% "We are of different species. You and I cannot cross-breed." -- Brandon Franklin to Sunny (my cat). % "The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." --William Clayton % "The guy crowd surfing in front of me last night didn't look so intelligent. I mean I don't know the guy. He could be a genius." --John Flansburgh "Put the genius down! Wipe the drool off the genius! You're going to hurt his brain! We're going to have to clone that brain!" --John Linnell % "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." -- John Andrew Holmes % "Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk," - Thoreau % "Never doubt that a small group of thoughful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead % "All persons living or dead, are purely coincidental and should not be construed." -Kurt Vonnegut % "You can learn all kinds of habits quickly under martial law" -Kurt Vonnegut % "I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone" - Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse Five % yep, ahhh, ok now, ah ok so, what? This is brandon out here. I'm here with sam and carson. we've decided that you're supposed to be over here, but you're not. so since you're not in your room you must be on your way over. c'mon sammy, kick it down -- drunken answering machine message % "Well, aren't you the secret squirrel?" -Fox Mulder % Don't be sorry, be competent. -me % I am NOT going to drink ANY MORE! I AM CUTTING ME OFF! There is a LIMIT and I have REACHED it! -- Allison Baker 6/17/97 (my 21st birthday) % [slurred] Bring us the fuggin check, bitch! -- Allison Baker 6/17/97 (the waitress did not hear this, fortunately) % I'm gonna get one of these [points to menu]. AND THEY BETTER BRING IT IN THAT GODDAMN GLASS!!! -- Casron the Destroyer 6/17/97 % Allison: What if a wa- .. wa-.. what are those things called? Carson: Tornadoes? Allison: Yeah! % All my fish are dead. They were fine this morning when I fed them. el chupacabra vive! % If you put two boy bettas in the same bowl, they'll kill each other, but if you put a boy and a girl betta in there, they'll just play. -- My cousin Tyler (4 yrs) % OOOH!! That's *oil*! Don't eat that, you'll get carsick! -- Tyler (4 yrs) % it will not rain on my wedding day. IT WILL NOT. October has the least avg monthly rainfall. just you try and tack averages on kentucky weather! * kentucky laughs at chime. muahahahahaha! kentucky weather can bow to my will and kiss my ass while it's down there (note: it turned out to be a beautiful day) % why do you take shit so fucking personally all the fucking time? how else should i take it? it's irc it's all a fucking joke hehe. good point I mean shit - Casey is a little pretty boy motherfucker, but does he care that I say that? wook's a shaggy-faced, pube-headed cock sucker but you don't see him going down on everyone either not unless I am paid! Casey got a hot wife that I'd like to *&*& but I shouldn't say those things see squires all in fun and wooks obsessed with a flame-spitting bar wench but he's a good guy hahaha She is truely a fine women % going to austin Can I come too? no i'm just going down for the hell of it... visit the wook emaily and whoveer else is around You can have wook take you to the rose And you could put out for ciani too! * scromp looks at cheesy What? did you take your "vitamins" today ? remember that girl that was with me in lextington? remember how she wasn't ciani? martel has a girlie % yeah, four people == four bottles shit at LEAST 1.5 bottles anyway 4 people 7.5 bottles you have to take into account that the women won't drink a bottle by themselves chime will * scromp looks at gnarl.. looks down in chime's direction chime doesn't _usually_ but she will pack it away given half a chance % "Don't make me kick your ass, 'cuz it's a big one and I won't miss." % hell, if anyone i know gets the anthrax i'm gonna get me a gun and start taking shootin' lessons what are you going to do darren? shoot every spore you find? nope every mailman ;) % if I ever make it to P.R. and it's the right season, I will bring you taters some snot fruit oh boy snotty fruit if I ever make it back to Jamaica and it's the right season, I will enjoy the hell outta my self and not worry about fruit % I NEED to find a copy of the Money For Nothing video on the web why? he wants chicks for free I was trying describe the video to my boys ah they're at that age it's time for the 'zz top' talk oh wait, that's dire straits See, boys, in the 80s we got our chicks for free see, boys, in the 80s they played guitar on the MTV. it wasn't just 24 hours of real world. % (monica buys expensive boots) see, they're practical. You can wear them with dresses, with pants... With shorts on a streetcorner to earn the money to pay for them % Where can I find a real man at this notice? scotland Thats an 8 hr drive, THERE only yeah, that's probably the closest place % "I think it's a serious deficiency actually that you can't communicate face to face" <- CheesyMom My mum is shocked because she thinks I'm talking to Imz online i think it's a more serious deficiency that you live with your mom % I can run X apps on my mac "I can get gold coins out of my magic bottomless wine bottle." % Of all the many sins committed in the movie year that was 2001, perhaps the greatest is that severed heads were in woefully short supply. -Gary Thompson % kris: I couldn't find a jimmiehat that small :( % arcas . o O ( has anybody ever overclocked a mouse before? ) % i got stuck in an elevator for an hour last night! that's the last time i take the elevator on the weekends bah. your tune would be just the opposite had paulina porizkova been stuck in the elevator with you man, I'm going to start spending my weekends in elevators! shit....with no one in there at least i was able to plop down and use my bookbag as a pillow and read if a hottie had been there i'd have sat there nervously trying not to cut a fart % Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. and if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some. --Alfred Hitchcock % There is in every village a torch- the teacher; and an extinguisher- the clergyman. --Victor Hugo % I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence. --Doug McLeod % LEGALIZE PRAYER IN SCHOOL AND ALGEBRA IN CHURCH (bumper sticker) % figures my luck, the naylor to kiss me would be brian, not kimmy % hell, I shut my door and take off my pants at work sometimes % "Mrs. Naylor, I've been getting in trouble a lot for talking, but what I think you don't realize is... I like to talk." Taylor - 1st grade. % Me: What does an animal need in it's habitat? Andrew (1st grade): Food, shelter, water, and cheese % Me: Why can't we see the stars in the daytime? Matthew (1st grade): They go behind the moon during the day. % archaism> Heh. They've "helpfully" scraped the parking lot here at my apartments. Now I just have to back out through a 2' berm of compressed snow and everything's smooth sailing from there. :) goddamnit. i will always be a poor country cousin to mark's vocab * darrend puts berm in his pocket and mutters % I fear the Oxy-Clean paste. What if it gains consciousness? % Shall I call my mate Keith? do your mating rituals have anything to do with the current topic of discussion? % * darrend gives lway a reader's digest condensed asskicking % oh, to be a partner in a lesbian relationship % they say that the road aint no place to start a fambly Yeah, the gravel really digs into her back. % what was up with john's note? have no idea... i missed out on a year of life, remember? i wasn't here... :( hah, oh yeah rehab? prison? new jersey. same thing. % * cheesy waits to be beaten :) * archon beats cheesy % "There's a ton of great stuff out there in the world, and some of it makes sounds." -the onion % uhhh, I'm not painting arcas's sack % sacksummit + octoberfest == liver damage % where is that britney breast job picture ? RIGHT BEHIND YOU! % don't worry my rectally challenged friend, you will get there by hook or by crook % "I always wondered what would happen when that bitch got some funding." -Spike % "Nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the Dark Ones." -Willow % I stole kim's ibook but she took it back once she noticed heh that paled in comparison to her discovering my tent, though. she comes home and finds me sitting under my makeshift tent with her ibook playing the dreamcast with both the dogs her reaction was to go get her camera haha and to ask "what happened to our house?" % it's harder to have sex with the corpses after you turn them into ashes % Ya know, people just aren't commited these days. TV has ruined the online experince % see, maybe we should just not have it this year and let everyone breed instead % "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein % "If Jews don't believe Jesus was the messiah, who do they think was?" (follow-up question: "Well, when IS he going to come?") -Reference desk question (from librarian avengers) % "I type very slowly. I should get more time on the Internet than people who can type fast." Second attempt: "Perhaps you don't know who I am. I wrote a book which is IN THIS VERY LIBRARY" -Reference desk request (from librarian avengers) % "I'm looking for a book by an Oriental guy named Mao, first name Chairman." -Reference request (from the librarian avengers) % A patron wanted a map. Here's an atlas. No, I need a life like one, you know a globe. OK, here's a globe (about the size of a beachball). Don't you have a bigger one, you know like life-size. Yes we do, and you're standing on it. Huh?? Where? -Reference request (from the librarian avengers) % i like solaris as a friend % I'm going BOWLING tonight Friday nite bowling in Owensboro, KY baby we had to make reservations % * scromp attempts to convince the barking dog: "No, Cooper, I made that noise with my butt!" "There is no one at the door!" % *** hide has changed the #lolochezia topic to: Genevive wants to eat my muffin! I say let her! chime has never been the same since scromp bought her the iBook % but this is #lolo we have standards % you guys need to fuckin' consolidate here. two active channels on this net and they're both showing Basketball With Arcas haha * kris points at arcas overclocker!!!! % "I can beat up the demons 'till the cows come home. Then I can beat up the cows." -Buffy % FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHIELD. --scromp % "If they had a whole warehouse full of rats' asses they weren't even gonna use, they probably still wouldn't give us one." -scromp % "Burn!" -slather % "Put it in me." -slather % "There ain't no internet on this computer!" -Darren % sandra has a middle aged male guidance counselor from 1964 in her soul % actually, of all of us here, I would consider heath to be the one most likely to have a bomb shelter % "I'm kind of in a bind here. Can you bring the cheese to me?" -Casey % "It smells like cheese!" -Christy Brown (on paneer) % dennis: She has really good kicks. snadra: Honey, what did you say? % Dennis can tell you all you need to know about gas. -Christy Brown % Dennis, when we said "take out the trash" we didn't mean, like, to dinner. -chime, to Dennis who took the trash out one door and came in a different door, still carrying the trash. % * snadra drinks a 40 and shouts obscenities at notes % I had entirely forgotten about my fallback career in livestock semen collection % "Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes." -- Henry David Thoreau % so has iowa done something nice for you yet, sandra? :) yeah, she let me rub poop on her carpet % see, the more people there are on the planet the more likely one is going to snap like a marine at a homosexual tupperware party % look, there's a bunch of little mexicans stealing rocks! * chime looks to see a bunch of *japanese* children playing on some construction equipment behind the house % more wine, less god, thanks -scromp % HAHAHAHAHA that's funny Thats not funny.. % Reviews of "Click Clack Moo : Cows That Type" from Amazon: OK, the book is cute, but the reason that it has received such acclaim and honor is because it celebrates and encourages Union activity. Certainly the media would not have fallen in love with this book if farmer brown turned the ungrateful, inefficient and pampered cows into hamburger and drumsticks and replaced them with more appreciative, hard working, and efficient cows and chickens. Or would it have received the same media and literary praise if it showed that farmer brown had to move his farm to Mexico or lay off farm hands because the increased electrical costs caused by the cows and chickens made his farm uncompetitive? -- I thought this would be a wonderful book to read to my children. I can't believe how wrong I was. First of all, Ms. Cronin seems to take her readers for fools, thinking that we'll just nod and look away as she spoon-feeds us... TALKING COWS. I kid you not. And these aren't just any talking cows. They have typing skills and even stage a strike. You can't even be gullible to buy this, you've got to be downright stupid, and even that's a stretch. I would most definitely not recommend this book to any parent, unless for some reason you want your children to grow up believing in talking cows and cow strikes that result in milk shortages and whatnot. Utterly terrible -- pun intended. % "...she isn't a heathen. In fact she's a Baptist, which is almost like being Christian, only louder." - LaFayette Red Prophet % scromp (to the doves fighting on the back deck): I THOUGHT YOU BIRDS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PEACEFUL!!! % "All the fame I look for in life is to have lived it quietly." -- Michel de Montaigne % * nug looks at the slam hide prepared for him and decides to pass. % I MIGHT BE A FAG BUT I AINT FEY % Mmm, living with archon. % It's fixed. It's just not working. % Is he motioning for me to sit on his lap? % ton: Get your laptop off my laptop. % ton: (to himself) No! Don't drink out of the bottle. Bad form. % ton: it's hard to walk with one eyeball full of light % rachel: ok, darren's shiny thing has finally finished charging... % archon: I've never seen that shit on windows, that's all I'm sayin. % ton: I love the apple store. If it were smaller, I'd hug it. % so that elric guy is the only one talking out here someone shut him the hell up and give him a laptop :) % I *so* did not look @ pr0n last summit % i'm disappointed my imzadi crack went by without punishment * rachel makes a note of jpayne's interest in punishment % cheesy: I need more beer ton: (In a strong fake-British accent) I need to be more british % ton: AY! AY! NO TOES ON THE LAPTOP, SON! % Oh George! Not the livestock! % kris: You're makin' my ass twitch, cheesy % snadra: Would you lay there so I could put my feet on your back? % ton: Do that thing with your foot again. % cheesy: Well, whatever it is, it needs to start with your holiness % BlueCamel: That's what we call american love % BlueCamel: WHAT'S WITH THE PORN? % scromp: It's like chugging darren % scromp: BONERS! % i *heart* my pr0n % cheesy: It's the anal fountain one % snadra: I'm a little behind. OK? % BlueCamel: You can tell me whatever, because I'm deaf and I'll make up whatever answer I want to hear. % snadra: My name is Veranda Porchswing % cheesy: Does he have a fat pipe? archon: not as fat as mine, and mine's uncapped % ton: I have a big one you can sleep with if you want. % * seek kicks hide out to mow the lawn and not just irc about it % * snadra tosses candies to the spectators suckers? did you poopie? % ton: Is that pee pee in scromp's glass? emily (ton's daughter - age 2): No. Wine. % jpayne: Kris, do you want some cheese? kris: do you want to hold my hand tomorrow while my ass is sore? % its not a sacksummit unless someone gets own3d % cheesy: someone stole my sausage % cheesy: I think there's something wrong with my life % snadra: you're not really playing golf, are you? martel: yeah, come on. it's a lighted course. there are usually about ten holes or so. % PRON RUN BlueCamel: we don't talk about it like that. it makes us look slimy % my fucking colon ton told me it would be all better again if I started drinking again % HAVE SOME GODDAMN CAKE % my mama didn't raise no mac user! % I brought my bolt crown to work today can't wait til I get to explain it I had a hard enough time explaining it to dennis... between that and the mary-light, he said, "your friends are weird" YES AND WE MET ON THE INTERNET % seriously, there's hay in my pants % hell yeah poor cat has to have his meds or else it will be shit fest 2002 * kris holds up a tub of oxyclean and grins % elric: will that get me in fortunes? % Calvin: Were we drunk last night? Honore: I hope so. It is the only honorable way I can think of for us to end up sleeping together under a hedge. % "Except for hats made of beef or other types of jerky, it is not recommended that you ingest any type of meat hat." -- hatsofmeat.com % Tonight i'm going to break the country and still do other shit. % "When you have seen Jennifer Lopez ungluing marble genitals from the hand of the man she loves, you have more or less seen everything." --Roger Ebert % Hookers are not suitable for a stoner. wopr, what about stoner hookers? Hookers are not my tivo, bitch. wopr, you're the bitch I'm a wireless bitch. % I had to listen to some Ozzy up at disc jockey this weekend blarf, he needs to stick to doddering around cussing and muttering % me and my pig got our asses kicked in the prison mostly because my pig is a fucking retard % I think next character I build, I'll be a chest. % can't turn a ho into a housewife archon is a veritable fountain of folk wisdom % i get to phone interview possible interns the best resume is from a khalid he's double major.. cs and econ oh wait MCSE *garbage* I retract my endorsement. not because he has the cert, but because he puts it on a resume true dat twice huh? double major and MCSE?? he must be rich, you can pay him nothing MCSE and MCSE + I "did I mention MCSE?" and CCNA "also certified by MS" "DID I MENTION I CAN BREATHE ON MY OWN" % damn it to hell, Spiderman just made me gay % Heh. I reside in the #lolo taint. % wow.. cool javascript bug in mozilla cookie stealer it's the casey bug % 08:09 there we go 08:09 now what was I doing...... ? 08:09 oh yeah 08:09 GET NAKED AND SHAKE THAT ASS MOTHERFUCKERS 08:09 ahem 08:09 thanks 08:09*** ton has left #lolochezia % * nug banannas shimr * shimr adds whipped cream * lway hands out the wetnaps % eh you get use to living with smeed % drinking good port is like drinking unix you can get fucked up fast with taste? % early on the in the game I got frustrated and killed everyone in the whorehouse hehe I was gonna be a baptist paladin sub-class: pimp % Since when did reading become so un-cool? silly brit we have real TV in this country % He's addicted to solitaire, I'm not showing him the internet. -my mom (talking about my dad) % *obvious comment* *insult to family history* *request for sexual favors in exchange for goods or services* *derogetory comment about size of sexual equipment* *sympathy over size of your sexual equipment* *simile comparing your mother to female dogs* *agreement that both my mother and female dogs are female* *complete confusion* % "I've never been crazy about kids. They're like small, drunk adults." -Phil Stubbs % heh, I'll never forget shortly after I met you, slather, when you were going on about "jamming out to the 'rocky' soundtrack" I thought you were all "eye of the tiger" % scromp:cool. I just need a piece maybe 6 inches long. % . o O (This one time at archon fantasy camp) % "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." -- H. G. Wells % cheesy: GAH! I've forgotten how to use linux. % so i must be a truly ph3@rs0m3 individual i just scared someone off of their chosen shitter, the executvie stall here at PJI's and not only did i scare them off of it oh god, that's all we need, slather speaking leet they surrendered it to me it's not like anyone can understand when he tries to speak normal. haha *cackle* "No, No. Please sir, you can have the executive stall!" you are truly the alpha male of the papa john's bathroom scene % frequently. people often think he is gay. that's what's funniest about it. I'd hit it % archon: are you dressing up for halloween? maybe i might wear a shirt that says HCl on it and be an acidic jew % chuck: ok, quit eatin' my tail snadra: i'm gonna go get that written down chuck: but I was talking to cooper snadra: that doesn't really help % cassondra: that lemon hurts your belly, though (while doing tequila shots) % so david buddy we go back we tight, yo i think it's time to take the next step and change my name in your phone to frank coz this calling me at 7am shit just ain't gonna cut it %